If I’ve learned anything from video games, it is that when you meet enemies, it means that you’re going in the right direction.
that’s really inspiring
honestly if tumblr does die like a good 75% of twitter users are screwed cause they’ve been ripping off posts from here and blocking everyone who calls them out
it’s so funny there are entire twitter accounts that do nothing but repost the most popular text posts from tumblr word for word as if it’s original content
Concept: Some jackass shows Bucky how to make a blog and it becomes really popular. Not because it’s the blog of James Buchanan Barnes, American Legend, War Hero, Infamous Assassin, Alleged Terrorist. Nobody even knows it’s his blog. It gets really popular because people think it’s a really great shitpost generator or something. Because Bucky is just a Weird Fucking Person and everything he posts on his fucking personal blog comes off as somewhere between dril and Jaden Smith and people are like “this is some quality garbage right here” and thus Accidental Memelord Bucky is born.
Bucky posts things like
“What is wrong with bananas. I ate a banana today and it was Wrong. America why”
“Every time I put on my eye makeup it gets bigger. My whole face is eyeliner now.”
“Why does friendship feel so much like punching”
“When I wake up in the middle of the night I am either thinking ‘who am I? does my life have meaning?’ or “did I already eat all of the plums?’”
“Why are you so grumpy” they ask me. they do not realize this is just my Face.”
“I know i said i would give my left arm for a cup of coffee but i am more awake now and i would like my arm back please”
“I guess I must have done something horrible in a past life. I mean. I definitely did something horrible in this life, so. “
OMG I LOVEEEE
YEEESSSSSSS!
“Guy in front of me won’t move his car seat up. I think that might still be upset about all those times I tried to kill him.”
“Got lectured by a guy who had been complaining about how things were Back In The Day. I don’t understand why he got upset. I too lived through the Great Depression and was drafted for the War.”
“The economy in this century sucks. Who exactly though another Stock Market crash was a good idea?”
“Apparently, it was Rude™ of me to pitch in my two cents on a conversation I happened to overhear, despite agreeing with them. On an unrelated note, I am no longer allowed in the ceiling vents.”
“‘If you don’t behave we’ll send (mutual) after you.’ Jokes on them. I’m the one who trained them to be an assassin in the first place.”
“Tried to buy a Chicken Dinner candy bar at the supermarket today. Turns out they were discontinued 54 years ago. Super bummed.”
“Wait. People were on the moon?! We got into space? There is a way off of this rock?! Why am I only just hearing about this?!”
“'Have you been living under a rock the past 50 years?’ No I was cryogenically frozen for 70. I don’t appreciate your tone young man.”
“My friend likes convincing people that I’m the Reckless one in our friendship. As if he won’t find an alley behind a bar to pick a fight in if I take my eyes off him for two seconds.”
“Why would i want to get a haircut when instead I can look like i just returned from a 12 year jaunt in the wilderness every time i grow a beard”
“was having a hard time finding noodles in the grocery store & asked a clerk for help. she looked at me like a crazy person. lady, it’s not my fault you don’t speak russian”
“what kind of idiot thinks dancers are sissies? literally every ballerina i have ever met could kill an adult man with just her legs”
“today i discovered Conditioner. the future is a miracle and my hair like a cloud now”
“apparently just jumping on to a moving bus when you are running late is not a thing people do anymore. please stop yelling at me.”
“went to a club last night to see what the hip kids were into. apparently the latest thing is just having sex standing up with your clothes on in a room full of people.”
“on the one hand, people dressed much nicer in the 40s. on the other hand, yoga pants.”
“rode in a car with heated seats today. it is my house now. i live here.”
“i have acquired a small bear. i am putting a collar and leash on him. he is my dog. no one tell animal control”
“i am working on this whole Good Guy thing but anyone who cuts me in line at starbucks deserves to have their kneecaps shot out okay”
“why did they have to make escalators so terrifying to get on and off of? from now on I’m just jumping off the mall balconies. none of this awful moving teeth staircase”
“i don’t care if it’s a ‘priceless historical artifact,’ punk, i didn’t wanna do the dishes and it makes a pretty good spaghetti bowl”
“hoodie pockets are so great. i can fit like three sandwiches and a grenade in there and my hands are still warm”
“i really though we would have flying cars by now. the future is such a letdown.”
“changed sam’s ringtone to jesus take the wheel.”
“do you know that feeling when you go to lean on your short friend’s conveniently arm-rest-height shoulder but you forget they had a huge growth spurt and you just awkwardly lean your elbow into the middle of their bicep”
“i swear i didn’t know your girlfriend was coming over. i always ominously clean my assault weapons on the coffee table like that. it had nothing to do with you.”
Honestly, a lot of my favourite elements of popular media have come about directly from writers being passive-aggressive.
Let me give you a classic example: Happy Days. For a lot of folks reading this post, it’s probably before your time, but you’re likely to at least be familiar with Fonzie, a supporting character played by Henry Winkler who ended up being so popular that he’s literally the only thing anybody remembers about the show.
Now, if you recognize the name, you might also know that one of Fonzie’s more notable quirks is that he tends to take his motorcycle with him everywhere - even indoors, including many places where there’s no obvious way for him to have gotten it there. What you might not know, however, is why the writers came up with this running gag in the first place.
Y’see, Fonzie was originally conceived as the “bad influence” character - the cool, dangerous bad boy. As part of that characterisation, the writers wanted to have him wear a leather jacket. (Because it was the 1970s, and that counted as edgy back then.) The network censors, however, objected, claiming that allowing him to wear the jacket would encourage juvenile delinquency and gang violence. (Again, it was the 70s.)
Eventually, the writers worked out a deal whereby they’d be allowed to have Fonzie wear the jacket - but only if he was riding or otherwise physically near his motorcycle, since a leather jacket is a common article of safety equipment when operating a non-enclosed vehicle, and we can’t let impressionable kids see somebody riding a motorcycle without proper safety equipment, can we?
Then they just wrote the motorcycle into every scene, regardless of whether it made sense or not, thereby allowing Fonzie to wear the jacket all the time.
What. The. Fuck.
That is utterly brilliant.
remember when lol meant “laughing out loud” instead of “this is to indicate that this brief text isn’t hostile”
remember when lol meant “this brief text isn’t hostile” instead of “this brief text is in fact horrendously hostile and very passive aggressive”
Good people aren’t wealthy.
Let me make this clear here. It’s actually impossible to hoard millions in personal fortune and also live an ethical life.
Some people are taking this as a personal attack against their families, who make something in the six figure range. This post is not about you. In full scale, families like that are not what I’d consider to be “wealthy”.
I’m talking about the multi-millionaire/billionaire CEOs, politicians, and media moguls. This isn’t about your uncle who’s a surgeon and saves people’s lives. Please don’t misinterpret that. They’re not nearly on the same scale of “wealthy”.
But if your uncle is the head of a multinational corporation that utilizes cheap overseas labour and exploits third world countries, fuck that guy actually.
There are a small handful of people, fewer than 10, who own as much wealth as half the world’s human population of over 7 billion.
With no exaggeration, these few people could give away almost all of their money, sell off almost everything else and give that away, and instantly double the quality of living of over 3.5 billion people, AND still be more wealthy than any of those 3.5 billion people, AND still be more wealthy than almost anyone else on Earth, AND still have all of the intangible wealth, social connections, and reputation that would allow them to quickly, if not instantly, acquire any amount of money they could ever need. If they didn’t feel like giving it away, they could still hire half the people on Earth to work full time to do whatever job they had in mind, profit off their labor, and still pay a better wage than they’re making now, which would make them more likely to live longer and want to maintain a better lifestyle, and thus buy more things, enriching the wealthy even more.
Wealthy people are so wealthy, they literally hold the fate of anyone and everyone else in their hands, but are too self-centered or unconcerned with the reality of ordinary people to actually put the power of that wealth to good use.
there’s a chinese exchange student in my composition class and we were being presented something about how you can use brackets to signify translation and there was chinese text on the screen and the prof said to him “what does that say?” and he deadpanned “i can’t speak chinese” and everyone sat there in dumbfounded silence and then the presenter clicked to show that the text literally said “i can’t speak chinese” with the most shit-eating grin on his face
there’s a chinese exchange student in my composition class and we were being presented something about how you can use brackets to signify translation and there was chinese text on the screen and the prof said to him “what does that say?” and he deadpanned “i can’t speak chinese” and everyone sat there in dumbfounded silence and then the presenter clicked to show that the text literally said “i can’t speak chinese” with the most shit-eating grin on his face
beeutifuldreamur asked:
granpappy-winchester answered:
It depends on what season.
Season One: Will would be awkward and try to act chill about inviting Hannibal over with a vague ‘caught a lot of fish, hungry?’ text and has no idea what he’s really doing just that he’s sent the text and now he has to make Hannibal Lecter an actual meal and oh god what has he done.
Hannibal would be thrilled that Will is not only inviting him to his home but also is going to cook for him and Hannibal is two seconds away from doing a fist pump. He arrives at Will’s house in about five minutes with an excuse of ‘being in the neighborhood’ when really he’s been hiding in the bushes and watching Will for the past five hours, confused with all these feelings and loving it.
Season Two: Will would be balancing between his thinly veiled snark and aggression and his desperate attempt to remain aloof while also wanting to just dive head first and both bite Hannibal and bite Hannibal. Will wouldn’t even bother with an excuse, he’d send ‘come over’ and sit on his porch moodily drinking whiskey while trying to not appear as eager as he actually is.
Hannibal is a little more cautious this time, but that doesn’t stop him from dropping literally everything, cancelling a date with Alana, and making the drive to Will’s house so fast that the trip confirms space and time are not something Hannibal is committed to and reality is a distant second when it comes to getting his hands on Will’s precious booty.
Post-Season Three: Will doesn’t send a text. He just nudges Hannibal with his foot and wiggles his magical eyebrows suggestively and he’ll have a lap full of excited cannibal between one blink and the next.
Will is just “….you were….in the neighborhood….in my neighborhood….where no one lives except weird loners who each have acres of property so no one ever comes near us?”
Hanners trying to think up an excuse all “Oh, there’s…er, this antique place over…there…somewhere…” (Gesturing vaguely in some random direction.) He just happened to be on a quest for some new… Antlers?
Will getting suddenly and alarmingly animated because OH, that all makes SENSE now, of COURSE, Joe a few miles down the road has some great stuff, Will was just there a few weeks ago looking for some particular kind of old tool they just don’t make sturdily anymore, Joe’s a good guy but he’ll take you for all you’re worth if he thinks you’re a snooty out of towner, Hannibal really shouldn’t go there dressed like that, or the prices will all go up 75% the second he walks in the door, they should really go together sometime so Will can get Hannibal the good prices.
And that’s how Will somehow, very confusingly, ends up inviting Hannibal over for a booty call, then asking him on an actual date before the booty call can actually happen, except he didn’t mean for it to be a date he just forgot for a minute that he had designs on the cannibooty, but then he remembers again and all is confusion and bewilderment for a while there.
It’s possible he deals with the confusion by jumping Hannibal immediately, and the fish end up being more of a midnight snack than a dinner.
The story of the Distant Goddess is absolute proof that it’s a crime that Ancient Egyptian mythology hasn’t entered the popular conciousness in the same way as Greek stuff.
Short, super paraphrased version: Ra is sick of humanity being rebellious wee bastards, so he sends a goddess as an embodiment of his vengeance, usually Sekhmet in the form of a great fuckoff lion - first to the southern deserts to wipe out the followers of Set. She does so, and then for unspecified reasons, Ra decides maybe humanity is redeemable hey call off the murderlion. But being an embodiment of pure divine retribution, she isn’t really having it.
So Ra sends Thoth out in an effort to soothe the goddess before she arrives in the north and wipes out everything including the gods (she’s just that strong). He’s terrified, but he tries all sorts of cunning and wisdom and trickery and tells her moral tales and all that, but all he can do is delay her.
In the meantime, Ra’s priests of the north are hard at work. They brew thousands of barrels of beer, and mix pots and pots red dye. And when the goddess inevitably arrives, they mix it up and pour it into the reeds of the nile. Believing it to be the spilled blood of her enemies, she drinks it up proudly… And gets EXTREMELY drunk, calming down and transforming into Hathor, goddess of joy and love.
And once a year to celebrate this momentous occasion, Egyptians would get Absolutely Plastered.
thesilverqueenlady
gryvon
Avengers AU - If Tony was Peter’s biological father
Tony is super protective of his son. And Peter, inspired by his dad, becomes Spiderman anyway (his dad and his Uncle Rhodey figure him out in a second though).
Just wanted to add:
hate to be That Guy but who’s gonna put the Infinity War gif in ????
now add the umbrella scene for all the sadness you’ve caused me
IT KEEPS GETTING BETTER
